When I am depressed, I shop. And I've been depressed a lot lately! And I've racked up credit card debt. Oy. Not just on buying makeup, also on important things like, oh food and fuel for my car, but the Visa bill doesn't care what you spent the money on now does it? I feel comfortable sharing that with you guys since a lot of us are in the same boat.
My superboring job cut my salary by 20% and has made it clear no new hires for a looooooooooong time so my chances of getting promoted are virtually nil. On top of that I don't really want to be here in the first place so I'm looking for a new job that I don't hate in an industry that isn't superboring (I work in real estate. ew.) I'm invisible here. No one really acknowledges the work I do or my talents/skills, and I'm not challenged. My financial situation is now about where it was when I was 19 and living alone in a studio apartment, except now I'm about to be 23 and I am supporting my boyfriend and I. He got laid off from his job and we live together. He recently got a new job but so far they are only able to give him about 4 hours a week.
I'm just so tired of stressing about money and work and want to move on with my life. I have bigger goals than scrounging my spare change for milk, you know? I'm so frustrated with the job search, too. Unemployment is still staggering out here in CA, about 12% in my area, but I've never had such a lack of response to job applications. I haven't even gotten very many phonecalls. Talk about discouraging.
And then there's makeup. Oh, makeup. It makes me so happy. It gives me something to look forward to and be creative with. And obtaining the latest LE whatever gives me such a high.
My boyfriend and I have casually discussed getting married. But we know we can't/shouldn't until our financial situation is more stable and his work situation pans out. I just want this terrible time to be over with so we can get on with our lives and live happily ever after. :P
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*hugs Aly*
ReplyDeleteI totally empathized with you re the money situation (DH is supporting me cause I'm unemployed atm). I do hope that your DBF is able to pick up more hours soon/in the future.
In the meantime, hang in there. Continue to send out job applications but stay positive. The market is bad now & likely to stay bad for a few years but there's hope.
I'm glad that you & DBF are starting to talk abt getting married. Wedding prep is very stressful (just got married this mar) so that is best left to a time when you're both more financially stable. You both sound like very mature adults & I'm very happy for you both.
As for the sales & LE items, it's tough. I know esp when you have a blog & you need to be in the know abt these things. But think abt it. Very few things in MU are truly truly undupable. True it's not an exact dupe but still........
Love yourself by getting yourself financially stable first. I can tell that you're so stressed out regarding your financial situation now. Although it's you earning the money, you do feel guilty to some extent spending the money even though it's something that brings happiness & joy to you amidst your very dull job at the moment.
Come talk to us if you need someone to just listen. Many of us are in the same situation. *bear hugs*
I completely empathize, Aly. You can touch base with me anytime if you want to talk more. Our respective situations have even more in common than I'd realized =/ *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. I think taking a pay cut would be so hard to do. Most people don't feel as if they make enough money so taking a pay cut is even worse. You'll adjust though and make ends meet, somehow. Makeup just can't be a priority right now. You can't let it be!
ReplyDeleteMy advice would be purge your collection & post stuff up for swap! Then swap as you want & you'll be getting 'new' m/u (not necessarily brand new but new to you!) & it will be just as fulfilling as going into the store and getting it yourself, except maybe more because you aren't spending any money (minus the shipping costs). You could even make a big w/l of all the m/u you want and maybe you can get some from swaps.
Thanks for the hugs and advice everyone. :) I am so glad I joined this group!!! You guys are so helpful, and I love feeling like I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteI have been purging and swapping as well as selling things, which totally sucks lol. Actually the money is nice to have, but I hate giving up my pretties lol. at least they are going to MUAers who will love them. I have even given a few things away, which helps too. I've always been a collector of things though, ever since I was a little kid, so it's hard work breaking from that "gotta have them all" mentality.
Mr. Boyfriend was an econ major before he had to drop out of college (couldn't afford the damn out of state tuition anymore), and he totally aced his accounting classes, so he's helping me manage the finances and keep track of spending. I've always just kept a very vague eye on things before because I've never been on a budget so tight that yes, that $5 here and $3 there makes a huge difference.
I can totally relate to not really keeping a specific eye on money. I have a (rough) theory on this: We never really see money. We don't really see or understand it's impact or repercussions. It's all in our accounts, on credit cards, checks, debit cards, places we never really see it. So why not go to a restaurant and blow $30? The charge is just there somewhere in space..you hand them the card and you get it back and especially, if it's a credit card, you never see the money go away. Except it's not in space. It's there. And you are paying 5-20% on interest on it. Depending how long you take to pay it off that $30 meal turned into a $50 meal. And the longer you wait, the worse it gets and the less you want to face it all.
ReplyDeleteThis is how I got into bad credit card debt in college. When I wasn't in class, I worked. I was so busy, I had no time. No time to make food or price-shop for the cheapest stuff..I just had to go. Because I was so busy, I felt like I needed more. Like I should reward myself with a $400 Coach purchase. And since I didn't work that much (or as much as a full-time salary, like I do now), I didn't have money to work with. So I got in the very bad habit of putting everything on my credit card. Then at the end of the month I would pay a hundred or so bucks on it, feeling good about myself because, hey I paid over the $15 minimum. I was making a dent and had it all covered and still had and could buy whatever I wanted. Except, that's not how it was at all. I accumulated about $4000 of debt when all was said and done. I graduated last December and I sat down and figured out I owed $4000, while being jobless at the moment (I never figured out how much of that was interest because if I did, I think I would be sick). I got a job in February and I'm happy to say I paid it ALL OFF by June :D :D It was about $1000/month payments and really sucked not to have any money at the time and having to live at home to make such big payments but once it was all gone, I was so proud of myself and beyond ecstatic. Since then, saving money has been sort of a game to me. How much can I save? How much will not eating out at all save me? I even got away from my designer obsession. I remember once in college I spent $400 in Coach buying a new purse and wallet. More recently, I felt a high off buying a $25 purse at Fashion Bug because I had saved so much money and still liked it. Needless to say, it's definitely good for my budget.
Overall these money issues we all face make me mad. Make me mad at our capitalistic society that is always bombarding us with products we 'need'. Mad at credit card companies for capitalizing on our weaknesses & forcing us to pay for our money borrowed (while banks borrow our money and we get maybe .3%). I try to 'get back' at companies by spending less money, not using credit cards or if I do, pay it off before interest accumulates. My whole outlook on money has changed and while I still get a shopping high, I don't want it as much. I feel much better working out, which is good for my health and makes me feel good. I feel much better spending time with friends and family, getting in quality time.
Great advice Christy! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteOMG! You gals HAVE to read this book. It's by Suze Orman called "Women & Money". I know some pple hate her but she advocates tough love. & I love that abt her!!! I have another book by her & that's good too. With her books, some of them are repeating the same stuff so you have to pick her books. However this one is a gem! I can totally relate to not knowing where money goes, how much spending I did, the refusal to sit down & do a proper budget etc.
While it's nice to have a DBF, DH who can do this for us, we really NEED to be able to do this for ourselves!
You know what, I'm actually going to make a post on this book. It is that good! I'm on paperbackswap.com & I added to my wishlist so I can perhaps send this to you ladies.
Stay strong!
I am so weird to most of you I think.... yrs ago I got into a fight with my DH because I had made an appt for a hair cut and perm. $80 before tip.
ReplyDeleteWell the day came and we were financially strapped (have been most of the time) and I said I am not going. He freaked out; said he had the $$ and I had the appt.
Ultimately I said this and he finally gave up.
I cannot 'RETURN' a perm. I keep the receipts for everything and return things when we are in need of milk, broccoli, cereal, etc.
I grew up in a family that you NEVER bought anything unless it was on sale. NEVER. We always had $$ but my mother's life experiences in Vietnam would not allow us to live otherwise.
I really hope you guys can make this all work for you. I always plan ahead. I cannot even buy something off the Dollar Menu at McD's without thinking how much its going to cost, when will I get more, and how much I will need for our family expenses. You cannot return McD's either BTW. LOL
I watch my DH spend $ on toys for the kids, movies, dinner, and the list goes on ~~~ My heart bleeds as the bills leave his pocket. He feels the same as many have stated here ~ the money will just be there and its not adding up to anything significant.
*sigh*
kat
I can empathize too - heck, I guess we all can! Here are a few positives to living like a pauper:
ReplyDelete1. If we ever find ourselves in a serious economic depression -- been there, done that! Stress levels, much lower than the rest of the nation.
2. Practice. (Kind of ties into #2). It looks like life is just an ebb and flow of disappointment and struggle. I'm sure we've all seen our parents/parent/guardians go through it (late 80's-mid 90's for mine), and now it's our turn. Ok, wait, that's a positive? I think it is.
3. Reflection and foresight = Nourishment for the soul. "This is what I did, and this is how I will do better." (Spending, saving). You're already doing this. (What a handy boo, sounds like yall are very complementary).
Okay enough with the self-help. Has your boo considered getting a crappy job just for a little extra cash flow? Both my boo and I have had to do this in the past (which, granted, was more grueling for him than I since he actually has a trade). When his last restaurant closed down he had to find work as a line cook since chef positions are so few and far between in town. Professionally and personally unsatisfying but at least brought in income while he continued to look for chef openings. After 5 or 6 months one came along and now he's back to his higher income. Even something like Best Buy, or hell, a gas station. Anything is something and work is work.
I can completely understand how you feel. I'm unemployed, and the market is just terrible. It's strange, because I graduated from law school last year, and I had a job all lined up to start in September after the bar exam was over. So at the time when many people were starting to feel the economic downturn, I was nearly the opposite - I had gone from being a student with no money to being a lawyer making a pretty good salary. But five months later, the recession hit me too, and I was laid off - last hired, first fired and all. No real prospects for a new job, either. In addition, BF and I have also talked about marriage, but don't want to move ahead until we're in a more certain financial situation.
ReplyDeleteSo in light of that, I'm working on getting my spending under control. I'm not in debt now, aside from student loans, but I know I will be if I continue the way I'm going. Just talking about it has made a drastic difference, though - I feel like you guys are going to hold me accountable, which is really what I need.
Oh hon, that sounds so horribly stressful. =/ I totally understand what you mean about makeup making you happy and getting a high off the latest LE item... for a while I was so depressed I'd get something at Sephora almost every day on my way home from school/work (the terminal bus stop is UTC mall =X) but... it didn't really help. You know? I mean, I realized pretty quickly not only that it was a really expensive habit, but each new m/u high wore off so quickly that I was hauling EVERY DAY.
ReplyDeleteI talked with a friend about it - and she said something very similar to what Joy did - you have to love yourself first. Makeup... clothes, etc - it's all just a quick fix but it won't really solve the real problem.
Sounds like you and DBF have it really though right now, but you guys sound so mature & stable + I'm sure it'll work out for you! It's no surprise that you're feeling down during this really tough time. Just remember - there are tons of other things you can do to lift your spirits OTHER than buying things you don't need. (bubble baths, candles, good books, drawing, crafts, baking/cooking, etc)
*hugs* <3<3<3